Relationships are an intrinsic part of the human experience.
They have the power to uplift us, provide support during trying times and significantly impact our well-being. However, not all relationships are nurturing, and distinguishing between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship is a skill we develop over time.
As a BIPOC woman, and a mother to a beautiful BIPOC daughter, I am mindful of the lessons I pass on about love, interconnectedness, and the self-respect she, and we all, deserve.
Here, I explore what forms the backbone of strong relationships and offer guidance on how to communicate needs without guilt or shame.
To Be or Not To Be: In a Healthy Relationship
From my personal journey and the values I instill in my daughter, recognizing what constitutes a “healthy” versus a “unhealthy” relationship begins with certain ground principles:
Healthy Relationships Trends
Acceptance of Disagreement: A sign of a strong relationship is acknowledging that differences in opinion are natural. It’s healthy to have varying viewpoints without fear of conflict or loss.
Expressing Needs Freely: Articulating what we want and need is crucial. We must do so without feeling that it diminishes the relationship's worth or our own worth.
Listening Intently: Our ability to listen to others’ needs and desires reflects our respect for them and doesn’t diminish our self-value.
Embracing People as They Are: When we accept people for who they are, we cultivate a sense of openness and authenticity in our relationships.
Unhealthy Relationship Trends
Overcompensating: Continuously giving more than we receive can lead to resentment and imbalance.
Distrust: Whether in oneself or others, lack of trust can erode the foundation of a relationship.
Resisting Emotional Growth: Relationships require emotional maturity. An unwillingness to evolve emotionally can stunt the relationship’s growth.
Healthy relationships can act as effective buffers against the strains of everyday life, providing companionship and comfort. They help to shape a positive view of life and oneself, which is invaluable for navigating the challenges we all face.
My Perspective on Healthy Relationships
A healthy relationship, irrespective of its nature, should feature these critical components:
Healthy Communication: Conversations should be a two-way street, showcasing understanding and empathy.
Willingness to Evolve: Change is constant; evolving individually and together strengthens the bond.
Healthy Compromises: Compromising doesn’t mean losing yourself; it’s about finding a harmonious balance.
Investment in Each Other: Focusing on each other's needs and wants symbolizes care and dedication.
Understanding Love Languages: Recognizing how each other expresses and experiences love can deepen connection.
Balancing Collectivism and Individualism
In many BIPOC communities, the aspect of collectivism, putting the group before the individual, often comes into play. There is beauty in this unity, but it's essential to maintain personal boundaries.
While responsibility to my community is a value held dear, I also believe in the importance of self-preservation.
This balance between community and personal space entails:
Honest Self-reflection: Regularly checking in with your needs and wants, and acknowledging areas for growth without self-judgment.
Setting Boundaries: Recognizing where you end and someone else begins creates space for mutual respect.
Foster Awareness: Developing an awareness not to internalize others' behaviors, a practice that reminds us that their actions are not always reflections of our worth or actions.
Therapeutic Benefits of Strong Relationships
Strong relationships do much more than make us happy, they are fundamental to our mental and emotional health.
Here’s a deeper understanding of how significant relationships contribute to our well-being:
Validation: Reinforcing Self-Esteem and Confidence
When we engage in relationships that offer validation, it contributes to a healthier self-perception. Validation isn't about empty praise or agreement; it's the recognition and acceptance of another person's internal experience as valid and important. When our feelings and thoughts are validated by others, this positively reinforces our self-esteem. It tells us that what we experience matters, which is instrumental for bolstering confidence and a sense of worthiness.
Open Communication: The Gateway to Clarity and Well-being
The ability to communicate openly in a relationship creates an environment where individuals can express themselves without fear. This transparency is liberating, allowing us to convey our deepest concerns, feelings, and aspirations. Such a dynamic can lead to significant stress reduction because it aids in preventing the buildup of unspoken issues that can fester internally. It also promotes clearer understanding between parties, leading to more effective problem-solving and deeper emotional connections.
Love: The Core of Healthy Relationships
Love is the most profound contributor to the therapeutic benefits of robust relationships. Far beyond the romantic aspect, love encompasses care, respect, empathy, and the desire for another's well being. It's a bond that connects people on a fundamental level, offering support and a safety net in times of need. When we are loved, we feel valued and secure, which can lead to greater happiness and satisfaction in life.
Healthy relationships can act as effective buffers against the strains of everyday life, providing companionship and comfort. They help to shape a positive view of life and oneself, which is invaluable for navigating the challenges we all face.
Relationships are an intrinsic part of the human experience. They have the power to uplift us, provide support during trying times and significantly impact our well-being.
As someone who is navigating life as a BIPOC individual, imparting these principles to my daughter is steeped in the understanding that, while the relationship with oneself is paramount, enriching connections with others is equally vital.
As we move through life, learning to advocate for our needs respectfully and lovingly is the kindest way we can honor ourselves and our cherished relationships. Love, after all, begins with how we treat ourselves and, by extension, how we allow others to treat us.
