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Wellness blog dedicated to helping you create your balance

Unlocking Self-Love: The Guilt-Free Path to Putting Yourself First

Writer's picture: Justine Astacio, LMHCJustine Astacio, LMHC

How often do you stop, take a moment to breathe deeply, and truly ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" Probably not as often as you should.


Sideway view of a calm, smiling woman with curly hair sitting in a chair with a book on her lap and holding a cup with both hands.
Photo | Shutterstock

Putting yourself first and practicing self-love isn't selfish at all. It's actually the foundation of a happy, balanced life. Learning to listen to your own needs and accepting that what "doing your best" looks like can change daily isn't just helpful, it's essential.


Why Ignoring Your Needs Is Harmful


Ignoring what you need and constantly silencing your inner voice can lead to so many issues. These can be burnout, bitterness, and a deep sense of being out of touch with who you really are. Putting others' needs ahead of your own drains you. Making it impossible to give your best. It also sets a standard for how you believe you should be treated, which can be harmful.


What it Truly Means to Prioritize Yourself


Think of when you're on a plane, and they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping anyone else. It's a powerful reminder that you can't help others if you're running on empty. Taking time to reflect, understand your needs, and address them allows you to show up fully for yourself and the people you care about.


Is Putting Yourself First Selfish or Just Smart Self-Care?


Navigating the fine line between self-care and selfishness is key when it comes to taking care of yourself. The word 'selfish' often brings up negative images, like avoiding responsibilities or letting relationships falter. But when you view putting yourself first as a form of 'self-stewardship,' you see that looking after your well-being actually lets you serve others better. Mindful self-care isn't about ignoring others' needs; it's about ensuring you're in the best state to offer help when it's truly needed.


Finding the Right Balance


Mastering self-care means knowing your limits and understanding that sometimes saying 'yes' to someone else means saying 'no' to yourself. It means being real about what you can handle and recognizing there will be times when you're the one who needs attention and care.


Using Mindfulness as Your Compass


Being mindful means being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in real-time, helping you recognize when you're pushing yourself too far. It's about listening to your body, whether it's telling you you're tired, stressed, or upset. And using those signals to make decisions that are good for you. Mindfulness helps you see when prioritizing your needs is not only necessary for your own wellbeing but for the benefit of everyone around you.


Overcoming Guilt with Mindfulness


As you become more attuned to your own needs, you'll be able to better decide when to focus on others and when to focus on yourself. This self-awareness is the key to beating the guilt that often comes with self-care. By being present and mindful, you'll know that by refilling your own tank, you're not being neglectful; you're actually preparing yourself to be there for others in a more impactful way when you're back to your full capacity.


When you start embracing a mindset of self-love and making yourself a priority, remember that taking care of yourself isn't a luxury. It's absolutely essential.

The Benefits Unlocked


In my experience, when you start putting yourself first, you'll unlock a multitude of rewards—it's like discovering a secret garden of personal well-being through exploration. I've certainly found that making myself a priority has led to greater self-awareness, enhanced resilience, and a noticeable boost in both physical and emotional health. It sets the stage for continual personal growth, strengthens self-esteem, and equips you to make more informed decisions that positively impact every aspect of your life. 



Here are my five personal strategies for resetting your mindset without any accompanying guilt:


  • Cherishing My "Me Time"

Each day, I make it a point to carve out a special slot just for myself. It could be soaking in the peace of early morning sounds, taking a walk around my neighborhood, or savoring some quiet time alone. Whatever it is, I hold onto this time tightly and enjoy it without a speck of guilt.


  • Setting Emotional Boundaries

Over time, I've gotten pretty good at saying no to things that don't add value to my life. By acknowledging my limits and being clear about them, I do more than just protect my time, I show myself respect. This has been a process. A process I’m STILL working on, but I found that the more I practiced this the more natural it felt. Let’s normalize making our wellbeing a top priority.


  • Embracing Meditation

Adding meditation to my day-to-day life has really changed the game for me. It's helped me stay present and treat myself a little kinder. I've gotten better at listening to what I need, and honestly, it's been a game-changer. It’s important to note that meditation is personal and ever-evolving.


The way I meditate now isn't how I started. I started to customize my practice as I became more comfortable with it, making it distinctively mine. On certain days, repeating mantras and affirmations gives me strength; on other days, I just let my mind run wild or set a 5 minute timer to sit without distractions.   It's not a strict procedure. Starting without any self-judgment is the most crucial step.


  • Diving Into Journaling

Every day, I take a few minutes to jot down my thoughts, feelings, and dreams. This little ritual has turned into a powerful way for me to get to know myself better and navigate my emotions more smoothly. My approach to journaling has changed over time, much like my journey with meditation.


At first, my journaling style was very different from what it is today. Journaling enables you to get all of your thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper, regardless of whether you like to write freely or rely on prompts.


  • Prioritizing My Physical Health

I now recognize how important it is to look after my body. Ensuring that I receive adequate sleep, engaging in physical activities that truly make me happy, and eating in a way that gives me energy. I have promised myself these things. Understanding the connection between my mental and emotional states and my physical health has had a significant impact.


So, whenever you find yourself in a rut, dive into a physical activity, it could be walking, stretching, or lifting weights. The key is to mindfully observe how you feel before you start, during the exercise, and after you've finished. I'm confident you'll notice a positive shift.


Explore Freely, Unlock Self-Love


It’s important to remember that strategies evolve over time. Lately, I’ve been enjoying self-help audiobooks, which can be especially helpful depending on what you need at the moment. Allow yourself the freedom to explore and continue learning. After all, you are the greatest asset to your own growth.


 It's about listening to your body, whether it's telling you you're tired, stressed, or upset. And using those signals to make decisions that are good for you.

When you start embracing a mindset of self-love and making yourself a priority, remember that taking care of yourself isn't a luxury. It's absolutely essential. It’s important for you to listen to what you truly need and recognize that what your best looks like can change from day to day. You should treat yourself with kindness and understanding, not just for your own benefit but for those around you as well.


By shifting your mindset and adopting these guilt-free practices of self-love, you open the door to a more fulfilling and balanced life. Take the initiative to give yourself the care you deserve and watch how it not only changes your own life but positively affects those around you. Let's prioritize your well-being, replenish your energy, and observe the beautiful transformations that unfold with each act of self-love you practice.

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